My Story so far...


Hello and welcome back to Vibe, I can’t believe we are on post three already! So, after our last post on female anatomy, today we are going to talk about my experience of sex within a relationship. Now don’t get me wrong I am not relationship or sex expert, but as a 21-year-old woman I thought I would give you my insight, so you can get to know a little bit more about my background and experiences.


I am currently in a relationship and have been for the past year, prior to my relationship I had a very negative view of men and all forms of sexual wellbeing. Having been sexualized from a very young age like lots of young girls, I decided I hated all men and sex! I know this probably sounds strange and extreme considering a year on I am writing all about sexual wellbeing and am very open about my sexuality, but as I say this was not always the case. You might be wondering how did I do a 180 and go on this spiritual journey of self-discovery and learn to love my body. Well the simple answer is I am now in a trusting relationship with a respectful partner. This doesn’t mean everyone has to be in a committed relationship to find this but in any sexual relationship trust and respect are so important (as well as CONSENT of course.) This is for a multitude of reasons. First of all, a partner should listen to you and your body language, this means even if you are mid-way through being intimate and you want to stop your partner should stop immediately and you should feel comfortable enough to communicate this. When you ask your male partner to wear a condom to protect from sexually transmitted diseases (STI) and unwanted pregnancy they should. Side note, if you have consented to having sex with a condom and your partner removes the condom without your knowledge during sex, this is called ‘stealthing’ and is considered rape, so yeah LISTEN to your partner. Read more about stealthing here

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/22/stealthing-sex-trend-sexual-assault-crime


Anyway, as per usual I have gone off on a tangent. The second reason trust and respect are important, is being able to communicate what you want sexually. As I have already mentioned, this is why masturbation is crucial to learn what makes you feel good. Any sexually active person with a clitoris (remember the female pleasure bump) will know how frustrating it is when your partner doesn’t know where to find your clitoris, but to be fair how are they supposed to know what makes you feel good if you don’t know yourself… trusting your partner should help you feel comfortable enough communicating what you want in the bedroom.


The third reason is contraception and broaching that awkward yet very important conversation (we will cover the different types of contraception and their effectiveness in a future post.) Whenever you are with a new partner it is really important to wear a condom, not only will this protect you from unwanted pregnancy it will protect you against STI’s (condoms are the only form of contraception to protect against STI’s)

read more on male condoms here,

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/male-condoms/

After you have been sexually intimate with a partner, even if you have used a condom, it is a good idea to get STI tested, most STIs don’t have any symptoms making them even more dangerous. You can get free testing kits to use at home or go to your local sexual health clinic.

Link to free testing kits below,

https://www.freetest.me/

I am on the pill on have been for many years, partly for contraception but also my periods. I find the pill is the most convenient for my lifestyle and protects me against pregnancy but NOT STI’s, so again if you are on the pill or another form of contraception such as the implant use a condom! (don’t worry if you don’t know much about contraception, we will cover this in a future post, in the meantime read more using the link below)

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/

My partner and I had the conversation about contraception and how we would protect from unwanted pregnancy very early on. We both also did an STI test at the start of our relationship so take my advice and do the same.

However, we are all human and make mistakes so if you do forget to take your pill or your contraception fails (which can happen) go to your local pharmacy within 3 days and ask for free emergency contraception. This is a pill which will protect you against pregnancy when your normal contraception fails. As the name would suggest this is for emergency’s only and you should go to your GP to discuss a long-term contraception solution.


The last thing I have learned over the past year is to never feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. Just because all your friends have done something or you are in a relationship and your partner really wants to do something you aren’t comfortable with, speak up and communicate. This comes back to trust and respect, your partner should respect and listen to what you are comfortable or not comfortable doing.


So that is all for this post, I feel like this we have flagged up some topics we need to go into more detail on such as masturbation, contraception and tips on healthy relationships- we will have a sex and relationship psychologist guest coming on in a future post, so hopefully we can get to the bottom of how to have healthy relationships.

See you later,

The Vibe team x


Declaimer, this is a blog for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for consulting a doctor.


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